used today. Some of them you may know, while others may be new to you. We invite
you to learn about these traditions here.
| The Truce Bell | |
| The Binding (Handfasting) Cord | |
| The Shattering of the Glass | Pebble Tradition |
| The Receiving Line |
| First to Kiss the Bride |
Common
Wedding Practices
that you won't see used today, and why.
| The Receiving Line | please note that the facility manager |
| The Giving Away of the Bride | has asked us to convey that there is no confetti, rice or bubbles allowed |
To
learn a more about our symbology and
about the history of wedding traditions
in general,
please visit our In Depth Traditions
page.
Traditions for Our Ceremony
Wound into Tia's bouquet is a horseshoe that will later be hung in our kitchen, with the ends turned up so the luck doesn't run out. The horseshoe was carried by Celtic and English brides as part of an old tradition that was believed to bring good fortune. The good luck of the horseshoe evolved from many aspects, including the belief that blacksmiths were lucky, that iron was magical and could withstand fire and repel fairies, that horses stood in the barn where Christ was born, and that the seven nails in a horseshoe represented the seven ages of life, the seven colours of the rainbow, the seven planets in the universe (in ancient belief), the seven deadly sins, the seven virtues, the seven days of the week, and the seven days between changes of moon phases, making them very very lucky.
Our horseshoe is of Irish origin, a porcelain collector's piece crafted by Belleek. It's really lovely and we'll be happy to show it off!
The
chuppa is the wedding canopy in ancient Jewish custom. A familiar component of
traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, it can be placed inside a hall, on the platform
(bimah) of a synagogue or out in the open air. It is understood by many today
as a symbolic representation of the house in which the married couple will live,
but the origins of the idea of the chuppa are complex and unclear:
The term
is an old one that goes back to the Tanach, and there it means a room that belongs
to a bridegroom, into which the bride enters as a mark of marriage. The coming
of the bride into the special room that had been prepared by the groom for such
an occasion was one of the signs that a marriage union had been legally recognised
and the bride was acquired. The term “acquired” is to be used with care,
because in the Jewish tradition, according to the Halachah, the groom must indeed
acquire the bride, as already explained in relation to the Ketubah (a Jewish marriage
contract) and later, in the motif of the ring.
However,
over time, the word "chuppa" came to signify a number of different aspects
of the wedding, such as the covering of the bride with the tallit of the groom.
Only in the sixteenth century in Eastern Europe do we seem to find the meaning
of chuppa in the modern sense – an open wedding canopy held up by four poles
under which the marriage ceremony actually takes place. It is now an essential
physical part of the marriage ceremony.
Over the generations, different ideas
have developed about the meaning of the chuppa, including that the velvet canopy
with which a chuppa is traditionally covered is seen as representing the parochet
(or curtain) that covers the ark of the Torah inside a synagogue, and that the
poles that hold up the canopy are said to represent the pillars of trust and faith
on which the marriage must stand.
Our chuppa incorporates the symbols we hold as important and uses the sacred pillar designs of Egyptian temples. Our chuppa is, for us, a symbol of the home we're building together and the shelter we give each other - both fragile and needing nurturing to make it strong, and open to welcome friends and loved ones with hospitality and care.
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The
Bell of Truce originates from west Ireland peasant traditions, believed to be
derived from St. Patrick's Bell of Will. St. Patrick believed that bells were
important to his ministry, and helped him in performing miracles. He is said to
have been buried with the iron Bell of Will he carried. Today, it stands on exhibit
in Ireland's National Museum.
The Truce Bell, as an echo of the Bell of Will,
is a bell that is blessed by the officiant of the ceremony and then presented
to the bride and groom. The couple is then asked to give the bell a good hardy
ring, while thinking lovely thoughts of each other and, most importantly, of their
furture together. After the wedding the bell is kept at home as a reminder of
the couple's wedding day. When arguments arise, the bell is put to its intended
use. One of the quarreling couple should ring the bell to call a truce in the
argument. This signifies the end of the disagreement - all conflict is over! The
tinkling sound is meant to remind the couple of their wedding vows and conjure
up the happiest memories from their wedding day as an end to strife.
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The Binding (or Handfasting) Cord
The
Binding, or Handfasting, Cord is an ancient tradition used in many cultures. In
ancient Egypt, the cord was tied around the groom's waist and one end was loosed
to tie to the ring of the bride. Through the ages, variants of tying the groom's
sash to the bride existed in many Eastern, Near Eastern and Middle Eastern cultures.
The
Celtic and British traditions called the practice Handfasting; to make fast the
hands together to symbolize the wedding union. This evolved from the handshake
- two opposite hands clasped in agreement - into the joining of all four, crossed
in the center. The crossed hands create the figure eight, a sign of infinity to
represent the everlasting bond of marriage. From these practices comes our concepts
of "asking for" and "taking one's" hand in marriage. They
also contributed, along with Roman customs, to the concept of "tying the
knot", an echo of tying the cord to the couple.
Among the common people,
a handfasting in front of the community to witness it was all that was needed
to recognize a marriage. This practice ended in England in the 18th century, but
continued to be used in Scotland until the late 1930's. Over the past 4 to 5 decades,
it has been slowly revived in many less-traditional ceremonies, and especially
as a gesture to recall elements of Celtic and British heritage. In the past 20
years, it has become a more main-stream practice, adding a spiritual aspect to
the ceremonies outside of specific religious traditions.
Because of the ties
to Egyptian and Celtic tradition, we have chosen to incorporate this lovely and
deeply spiritual practice into our ceremony. We believe the symbolism of binding
the hands together to represent the bonds of matrimony and an unbreakable commitment
to your loved one is an elegant and loving statement of our dedication.
Our
Binding Cord was made in our chosen colours and embroidered with the personal
symbology you see echoed throughout the wedding; the lotus flower, the fleur de
lis, the ankh and the claddagh. The Cord is a personal reminder and keepsake of
our wedding and the knots tied during the ceremony will remain tied so long as
we remain tied to each other.
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The
breaking of the glass is probably the best known part of the Jewish wedding. It
comes right at the end of the ceremony and is followed by festive shouts of "Mazel-Tov"
and the couple's first married kiss.
What is the meaning of the breaking of
the glass?
The custom of breaking a glass under the chuppa is derived from
the Talmud. It is written that a rabbi broke a vase during a wedding feast in
order to warn those present against excessive joy. There are more explanations
for this time honored tradition than pieces of glass after the average breaking.
The tradition has been defined and redefined over the years to represent different
aspects of solemnity and endings.Some of the more popular explanations are:
- Even in times of great joy, reserve a moment to mourn the destruction of the Temple, without which life is incomplete
- Always remember the fragility of relationships
- The loud noise frightens away evil spirits that threaten to steal the souls of the joyous couple
- The breaking of the glass is a warning of the FRAILTY of a marriage. That sometimes a single thoughtless act, breech of trust, or infidelity can damage a marriage in ways that are very difficult to undo - just as it would be so difficult to undo the breaking of this glass.
- It is the last time the groom gets to put his foot down!
For us, we include this tradition to represent shattering the bonds of our old life, leaving the broken and irreparable behind us, and to symbolize the beginning of our new life together without the ties of a broken past holding us back, as well as having a reminder that all life and relationships are fragile and need care and nourishment to survive.
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The spirit of those gone is very important to the Irish. The feast days of Garland Sunday and All Soul's Day are both dedicated to the departed. On Garland Sunday, a hoop or wreath of twigs is decorated with flowers and ribbons in honour of the dead. On All Soul's Day, a candle is put in the window for each person departed to light their way back home.
Tia and I share the grief of losing our fathers, and have decided to incorporate these traditional Irish customs for honouring the dead into the ceremony we would have dearly loved them both to attend. The tradition includes memories of the departed spoken over the candle as it is lighted by a family member, and we have both chosed to ask our sisters to participate in this part of the ceremony with us.
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Water and waterways were places sacred to the Celtic gods. Ancient Celtic weddings were always held near rivers, lakes, holy wells or pools. Wedding guests were given small stones to cast into the water, with each being a wish for the couple's future happiness, health and success.
We have chosen to revive this custom and invite you to celebrate it with us. At the reception, you will find a bowl of stones and coins (yes, this IS where wishing wells came from!) to be dropped into water. A large vase filled with water stands at the table. We invite you to drop a stone or coin into the vase and make a wish. After the ceremony we will be taking the vase home, filled with stones, coins and wishes, to keep as a centerpiece display for our home.
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Where did the idea of wedding favors come from? Nobody seems to know for sure. But, we do have records of brides and grooms in England giving away love knots made out of lace and ribbons during the 16th and 17th centuries, and Russians have always been known for the wedding couple not only receiving beautiful gifts, but bestowing one on each guest as well.
Here are some other cultures' takes on the showering-of-gifts-on-your-wedding-guests thing :
* In
Malaysian culture, the traditional wedding favor is painted, decorated eggs -
a symbol of fertility for the couple.
* Italians give chocolates or candy
filled with almonds or almond paste.
* Also very popular among nuptial couples
today, Victorian couples gave party "crackers" - decorated tubes filled
with goodies. When you break them apart, they make a loud noise, and all the presents
fly out.
* Middle Eastern wedding favor tradition is centered around the Jordan
almond. A candy-coated nut supposedly representing both the bitter and the sweet
of marriage, custom dictates that you give five pieces to each guest, to represent
the five wedding wishes: health, wealth, happiness, fertility and longevity.
* Orange blossoms are very popular for Spanish weddings. A perfect favor would
be stems of orange blossoms in a bud vase for each guest.
* Turn a Greek wedding
tradition around on your guests: the couple used to receive glass charms in the
shape of an eye on their wedding day - this was to protect them from bad luck.
* Both the Russians and the Japanese favor the same kinds of favors: both cultures
are known for leaving nice gifts like picture frames, bud vases, or sachets as
thank-yous.
* Dutch favor tradition includes "Bridal Sugar" - five
pieces of Dutch sweet candy wrapped in tulle. Each piece represents the five wedding
wishes: love, happiness, loyalty, prosperity, and verility. Very similar to other
cultures' wedding wishes.
* In traditional Jewish and Chinese weddings, favors
are not usually given at all.
We have chosen to share something meaningful and lasting with our guests. We have created CD's full of the music we feel speaks to our celebration, our wedding, and our relationship, and have decorated each with a ribbon bow to echo the old tradition of handing out bows in the Receiving Line (see receiving line traditions for more on this). We hope you will find them as enjoyable to listen to as we found them to create.
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Irish peasant tradition holds it is appropriate that a man should always be the first to offer congratulations to the bride once the ceremony is complete. Should a woman offer the first wish, it results in years of bad luck. We've decided to ask a close male friend of Tia's family to help us uphold this tradition.
and ... one more thing ...
Something old, something new...
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence in your shoe ... unlike more traditional custom, we will both have each of these things - and the "silver sixpence" we have for our shoes are old Irish coins minted in the year the other was born.
Traditions you WON'T see Today
The
Garter Toss is a holdover from some rather barbaric medieval customs. It originally
had two aspects. In one incarnation, the belief that a piece of the bridge's garment
would bring luck led to her garters being stripped from her legs as trophies.
In less genteel society, this was done rather forcibly. This resulted in larger
bridal parties aimed at protecting the bride's dignity (amoung other things) and
keeping her from being literally thrown to the ground while rejected suitors rummaged
under her skirts.
Another use of the practice was to hasten the consummation,
and therefore legitimacy, of the marriage by stripping the bridge for her marriage
bed, starting with her garters to bare her legs.
In it's modern incarnation
as a 'reception party game', while the format of the practice has been somewhat
diluted, it really hasn't lost much of the original undertones or 'charms'. In
either case, we don't find the custom either necessary or attractive.
Likewise, the bouquet toss originated to bestow the blessing of luck and fertility thought to belong to a bride upon the next maid who was fortunate enough to catch the bride's flowers. While less offensive, it is still a somewhat tiresome and embarassing practice.
Old Celtic traditions tell of the bride's bouquet becoming the first centerpiece put on the central or dining table in her new home. Thereafter, the bridal flowers of the bouquet would become her own 'signature' flowers, always featured on her table. This is a lovely custom we prefer to revive and will have the bouquet preserved to display in our home.
Suprisingly, the practice of a Receiving Line grew out of response to the Garter Toss, which is why it's listed here, even though we ARE using this custom. In more genteel society, it became a practice for the bride to sew dozens of tiny ribbon bows to her gown. The groom's parents would often present her with a set of wedding scissors on the night before the ceremony, to be used to snip the bows from the gown. In the receiving line, guests would actually RECEIVE something - a bow from the gown - for good luck. This replaced the need to strip her of her garters to gain a talisman in higher society. Much later the meaning changed to the couple receiving the greetings and good wishes of their guests.
We have decided to renew the traditional purpose of the receiving line by handing out our wedding favours at that time.
Please join us in the Receiving Line to receive our thanks for your attendance and allow us to present you with a small token of our appreciation for sharing our special day with us.
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The practice of the father giving away the bride originates in ancient times when bride prices were paid and the groom was required to ask the bride's father for permission to marry his daughter. Because neither of our father's can be present in more than spirit for the ceremony, we have decided we do not want to replace them, nor do we feel there is an acceptable substitute for this tradition, so we have chosen to omit it.
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Throwing
confetti over newly weds originated from the ancient Pagan rite of showering the
happy couple with grain to wish upon them a 'fruitful' union. Pagans believed
that the fertility of the seeds would be transferred to the couple on whom they
fell. The throwing of rice has the same symbolic meaning.
The word confetti
has the same root as the word confectionery in Italian and was used to describe
'sweetmeats' that is, grain and nuts coated in sugar that were thrown over newly
weds for the same Pagan reason. In recent years, small pieces of colored paper
have replaced sweetmeats, grain and nuts as an inexpensive substitute but the
use of the word confetti has remained. Grains or nuts were traditionally thrown
because they are 'life-giving' seeds. In some European countries, eggs are thrown
instead.
In Ireland, superstition dictated it was unlucky not to give
to the poor on your wedding day, so the groom would hand out coins to the poor
gathered along the road as the couple left the church. By the turn of the 20th
century in Limerick, children would gather outside the church to "scramble
for the coins" thrown at the wedding party along with the rice, grains or
sweets.
Unfortunately, Stonehurst is a historic property that doesn't allow the throwing of any sort of rice or confetti, nor the blowing of bubbles as they may cause damage to the walls or floors of the property, so we have eliminated this tradition from the ceremony. Not to mention, we're not terribly worried about not using a fertility charm...
However, giving to the poor is a wonderful tradition, and anyone who would like to continue this tradition is encouraged to make a donation in the name of the wedding celebration to a charitable organization that benefits the welfare of the needy, preferably a reputable shelter for women and children. You can call SafeLink at 1-877-785-2020 or find a list of domestic violence shelters at http://www.mahomeless.org/shelter/domshelter.html.