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What's
in a name? The names we choose to call ourselves by and the name we choose to
recognize our family
and new life together - these were hard choices. But they
were choices that we made together, and choices
that we felt were very important
to us. They were also a little different then the traditional choices that most
couples
face when they contemplate their lives after marriage.
Let's
be honest - traditionally most women either take their husband's name or contemplate
hyphenating both
names. In rarer cases, women keep their own names, most often
for business or professional reasons. But the
choice really boils down to -
his name or yours?
Neither
of us have used our "maiden" names in many years, for different reasons.
But neither of us want to
keep the surnames we have been using in recent years,
nor do we feel going "back" to our "maiden" names
to be
a good step forward with our lives. We decided we would really prefer one family
name between us -
not seperate names. We contemplated our "maiden"
names - and realized with one family name - there was
NO etiquette for whose
name to use. There are no books, no advice, nothing. This one is off the charts.
So,
as many of you who read livejournal know, we listed all the family names of both
families and took a
survey - which was remarkably inconclusive. We got lots
of helpful suggestions, and lots of ideas and ...
remained completely stumped.
We could plan and manage ANYTHING - except to figure out what to use
as a last
name. It was really awful, we spent weeks agonizing over this - from what we could
live with, to
what we wanted, to what would and wouldn't offend or upset our
families - dozens of points and reasons
and issues debated back and forth.
In the end, it came down to one thing and one thing only. We had to throw all the issues out and tell ourselves -
It's
OUR life. It's OUR name. It's what we want and what makes us happy and what we
have to live with.
And in the end, we're still us, and what we call ourselves
can't change that.
And so, armed with that final bit of logic and sanity,
these are the choices we have made and that we hope
everyone will come to understand
and respect.
After
long debate and careful deliberation over legacy names from both our families
histories, we finally made the
very challenging decision of choosing a surname.
While
many names from both families held a great deal of meaning and importance for
us, Tia has chosen to honour
and respect the strong ties and attachment Lori
has for her Celtic heritage. Lori has been her family's 'unofficial'
geneaologist
for a number of years, spending a great deal of time and research tracing the
family roots and keeping
their Irish and English heritage alive. It is a matter
of strong pride and importance to her, and she says, "my very
loving
and caring fiancee has been endlessly understanding and supportive of these endeavors,
even when I do
drive her nuts with it."
Because
of this, we have chosen a Celtic surname, reflecting that history and tradition
and honouring those ties to
heritage that are cherished so strongly.
The name we have chosen is Cúltìr.
Spelling
variations include:
Coulter, Colter, Coalter, Coultere, Coultar, Coultur,
Coltar, Coltúr, Coltìr, Coltìre, Cúltyr and many more.
Coulter
originated as a Dalriadan-Scottish name for a person who lives in or near Coulter
in Lanarkshire or
Aberdeenshire, Scotland. The surname Coulter is derived
from the Gaelic phrase, cúl tir, which means
black land - which
is also the meaning of Kemet - the ancient Egyptian name for Egypt.
We found
this to be fascinatingly ideal and a good reflection of many of our interests
and beliefs.
Coulter
is a local Scottish surname, of which there are many types. For instance, topographic
surnames
could be given to a person who lived beside any physical feature,
such as a hill, stream, church or type of tree.
Habitation names form the
other broad category of surnames that were derived from place-names. They were
derived from pre-existing names for towns, villages, parishes, or farmsteads.
Other local names are derived from
the names of houses, manors, estates, regions,
and entire counties. In this case, the surname is both topographical,
in that
it comes from the phrase, black land, and local in the general sense, since it
comes from the place-name, Coulter.
The
word coulter is also a noun, meaning a blade or wheel attached to the beam of
a plow that makes vertical cuts
in the soil in advance of the plowshare.
[Middle
English culter, from Old English culter and Old French coltre, both from Latin
culter, knife, plowshare.]
The family crest and coat of arms is:
The
Coulters are first found in Lanarkshire where they held a family seat from very
early times.
Some of the first settlers of this name or some of its variants
were: John Colters settled in Boston Mass. in 1764;
Hugh and Ann Coulter settled
in New York State in 1811;
Charles, David, Edward, Hugh, James, John, Joseph,
Margaret, Robert, Thomas, and William Coulter, all settled
in Philadelphia
Pa. between 1821 and 1880.
Lori's
family descends from the Scottish settlers in Philadelphia in the mid-1800's,
beginning with Agnes Coulter
who is Lori's great-great-grandmother. Agnes married
Joseph Reese (from the Welsh Rhys).
Their children were John, Agnes and Albert.
Albert Reese, Lori's great-grandfather, married Jennie Collins
(from the Irish
O'Coileain), the daughter of John Collins and Margaret Wilgus.
Albert and Jennie
Reese had two daughters, Dorothy and Jennie. Dorothy married Nelson Loftus and
Jennie
married Joseph Foster (from the English Foster). Jennie and Joseph
Foster had three children;
Joseph, Jane and Nancy. Jane Ellen Foster, Lori's
mother, married Wilford Clarence Goldey, son of
Clarence Goldey (of German
origin) and Elizabeth Perry (of Irish origin).
Our
choice of the name Cúltìr
reflects the history of the family from it's origins in this country to it's European
roots and honours all the descendants of Agnes Coulter.
Jet
(etymology - English) meaning a jet black gem or hard, black mineral
Alternate
spellings: Jett, Jette, Jetta
Having
gone by the name Lori J.E. Turi for over ten years, and ending up with the initials
LJET, L.JET was how
I signed most of my artwork and what I used as a signature
over time. The name JET stuck and became more
prevalent for various other reasons,
such as my using it for a character I created as well. A number of my friends
and
associates came to know me by my nickname and I became rather fond of it. It became
so prevalent that
many friends who had come to know me within the past 10
years had no idea my name was Lori, having only
ever heard me referred to as
Jet. I realize that most of my family probably find the prevalence of a nickname
they
are unfamiliar with somewhat confusing, so I wanted to take the time here to explain
it especially for them."
And, of course, many of my friends whom I've
known for 15 or so years never took to using it, so I'm pretty
accustomed to
answering to either one.
Lots
of people use nicknames, from diminutive versions of longer names (such as Bob
for Robert or Vicki for
Victoria), to pet names like Kitty, to names like Red
or Slim that got tagged on in school or social groups for any
number of reasons.
While I am not planning to legally change my given name at this
time, I do tend to use my
nickname most of the time unless I have to sign
something. Anyone who does feel comfortable using Jet is
certainly welcome
to do so.
I have
strongly considered changing the spelling of my middle name to it's Celtic spelling.
Even though I love
having my mother's name Jane as my middle name, I also like
the Celtic spelling for Jane - though it's not
quite as pretty - Sinéad (Jhi-naye
is the pronunciation). Naturally, I wouldn't consider this unless my mother
liked
it too, since my middle name is her namesake to me!
The
Gaelic translation of Lori is Labhraín (law-VREEN), if you're curious, but I definately
won't be using something
THAT hard to spell!!!
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Tia (etymology - Hebrew, from Talia) meaning dew from heaven
Why Tia?
Over the
course of my life I have had a lot of different nicknames. Some are family only
names, the name my
grandfather called me, the name my cousins' have used,
etc. I have others from school. From my high school
clique to college social
groups, even ones from graduate school. But, truthfully, I never felt any strong
attachment
to or identification with any of them, or any need to hang on to
them.
One of
my first and longest lasting positions had required me to take a pen name- a private
id to be used only
on "the inside." And so I did, and for the last
25+ years I have answered to this name as readily as to my birth
name. And
an entire subset of the people I know, know me primarily as Tia Skye (and later
Tia Solo.) And, on
that note, let me add that my boss, and mentor, has been
subtly campaigning for Jet and I to take Solo as our
surname, despite it being
a proprietary name in his universe.
Well,
after graduate school I went to work in the tech industry, which also has its
own internal culture regarding
names. Suddenly I was a part of a culture where
names got co-opted into user ids and computer logins-email
names. And just
as suddenly, I was confronted with the need to re-define myself for my new job.
Feeling the
need to maintain some continuity of identity, I chose the nickname
I had used the longest and was most comfortable
with. So, now I was known
by various and sundry by my nom de guerre, my "inside name," Tia.
Given
the environment of this industry, my coworkers were also my out-of-work friends
and part of my primary
social group. As a result, increasingly I was known
as "Tia" and became accustomed to it as my primary name.
After nearly
6 years in that company/social environment, I realized that some 90% of my acquaintances,
friends,
and coworkers knew me as Tia and only my family really remembered
that I ever had a different name. My
oldest friends began using it as I became
more and more comfortable with this new name and the identity, the
"new
me" it represented.
In
time, the opportunity arose to make that change permanent. Happily I took the
option to legally change my
name to Tia. Many explanations later, my family
came to accept, if not understand, the change. And even now,
I do not really
expect them to change what they call me, though I am always thrilled when they
do. I remember
the amazing thrill when, at work one day, I answered a phone
call from my Mother, "Hello, this is Tia." And
without missing a
beat, she responded, "Hello, this is Tia's Mom." To this day, the memory
brings a smile to
my lips. My Mother's love and support of my choices has
ever brought me such joy and peace.
And
now, as Jet and I begin a new path, and carve out a new identity for ourselves
as a married couple, I look
forward to again changing my name to reflect the
new life we will share. (I'm sorry Master George, but a
family/heritage name
has won out over Solo, I hope you can forgive us and we thank you for your generosity
in its offering.) For more information on our decision, please see above.
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And so, our married names will be ...
Tia Skye Cúltìr & Lori (Jet) Jane/Sinéad Cúltìr