BLOG ENTRY ONE
July 31st, 2008

If it wasn't for bad luck...
7/31/08 11:27 pm

we'd have no luck at all? No, I can't really say that, but it feels that way today.

My wife is in the hospital again. I have just gotten home, having to leave her in the er since she's been admitted but wasn't going up to a room until 11:30. Dog, cat, house ... I had to come home and she wanted me to take care of her puppy, so ... but I get ahead of myself, and there's a story, as always.

Yesterday afternoon we were having a great day. Video games and computers, hanging out, we even started a game of monopoly at Dami's request (I can see the still set up board in the living room, waiting for it's players to come back. Sigh.) Geoff showed up as usual on a Wednesday evening to pick Dami up for the night. Tali and I decided on some light things for supper - too hot to eat. Fruit and cottage cheese for me, pasta and sauce for her. We ate, were relaxing, when out of nowhere, she got sick.

She got hit with a wave of vertigo, so dizzy she couldn't even sit up anymore. It was so bad, she threw up her dinner. This was maybe 630 or so in the evening, 700 at the latest. So up came the offending pasta - but the nausea and dizziness didn't go away. It got worse, much worse. For the next few hours, she threw up everything in her system, and any water that we tried to give her since, well, summer, heat, dehydration ... you know. She couldn't lift her head up, could only lean over off the sofa and get sick. Maybe food poisoning? I checked everything she ate - no, it all seemed fine. Hmmm, 24 hour stomach bug? No, no stomach cramps, no ... uh ... other symptoms. Ok, chest pain? No. Trouble breathing? No. Natural to check after the bout with CHF before. No, nothing. Numbness, tingling anything hurt in your arms or legs? No. Headache? No. Just terribly terribly dizzy - she said the whole world was spinning. Ok, we thought, this will pass. So we tried to get her up to walk to the bathroom - no go. She slid to the floor and couldn't get up for a while. Ok, now we're concerned.

For an hour or two, I fetched cold water, cold rags, ice packs, cleaned up, etc in between checking every medical website I could find for just those symptoms. Nothing conclusive. By the time we hit 3 am or so, she was getting incoherent. Slurring words, couldn't keep her eyes open, and then getting obstinate and combative - ok, I know this one, that's low blood sugar, always a danger with a diabetic. So, I fetched coke, and when she didn't want it, fetched karo syrup and had her eat a spoonful. After the karo and the coke she got more coherent and more awake, felt more 'with it' - yep, follows the low blood sugar pattern exactly. Or so I thought.

She thought it would pass by morning, did NOT want to hear the word hospital, so we settled in. Rather, she settled in and I spent the entire night trying to take care of things, figure it out, and, when I desperately needed some kind of distraction, make a website for Maya. (Hi Maya!)

So finally this morning, Dami got dropped off for the day and I saw to his breakfast. He went down to his playroom to watch Weird Al and fell asleep on the sofa. Tali was passed out on the upstairs sofa. I got brave and shut my eyes for a few hours. I woke to a terrible crash and thud and vaulted off the sofa to see my wife on the floor in a not so promising position, having just fallen and crashed into the bookcase and wall. She tried to walk to the bathroom and couldn't. Finally I got her up, got her a change of clothes, got her back to the sofa, where she added several bruised things to the list of wrong - you think? Now I was out of options. I couldn't take her to a doctor in our car - the brakes are shot. I couldn't GET her to a car even if we had a working one. She couldn't even walk to the front door safely, and with my back, I couldn't support her. No options, I called 911. First good decision I made, apparently.

The medics were just great - Natick Fire Rescue is just the best - they are really an awesome bunch and I've seen plenty of houses. They got her out and to the ambulance, I promised I'd be along as soon as Zeyr could get home from work to pick up Dami and drop me at the hospital - which he was kind enough to do. In fact, he left work immediately and got back as soon as he could, which was awesome of him.

When I got to the ER and tried to find her, the first nurse tried to brush me off but a very kind second nurse decided to champion my cause LOL. She explained that I could wait in the lobby and they'd come get me as soon as my wife was back from her cat scan. Cat scan?! Oh, they're just trying to rule things out. Rule things out with a cat scan? You don't rule things out with a cat scan as a preliminary diagnostic tool - you have a REASON when you send someone for a cat scan!!! So, she told me that there was an issue with the diabetes, that her blood sugar was "very high", and that they'd come get me when she was back. I stood right outside the emergency doors, and to their credit, they sent someone to update me every 20 minutes or so, which was nice. They told me she'd also been sent to xray, thus the long way. Xray and cat scan - for nausea and vertigo. Now I progressed to a bit scared and started calling people to babble at them. You know who you are - thank you for putting up with me.

Finally she was in her room and I went in. She was back to semi-coherent, and they were making a bit of a fuss. Hooking up ekg, getting her on oxygen, taking a million lab samples, etc etc. It was a significant amount of time later that the attending doctor finally gave me an assessment. She tells me my wife isn't coming home, she's being admitted.

First, her blood sugar was over 400. For those of you who don't know, it should be under 100.
She hadn't eaten in some 30 hours ... that wasn't possible ... unless the sugar I gave her for the low blood sugar symptoms jacked it up, which means they weren't low blood sugar symptoms. Ok, go on.
The labs, xray, ekg and cat scan were clear - showing no indications of problems.
They were giving her a cocktail of drugs to clear up nausea and veritgo and get her to stop vomiting - which she was still doing.
Then the doctor tells me, if the drugs don't have a significant effect, they will order an MRI and have a neurologist examine her.
Why? Because the doctor thinks there is a chance that this is a minor stroke. And I am all done, and too tired to take any more.
I talk to more people - again you know who you are and thank you.
I stay until they have her admitted. They do another ekg. They take more labs - tests I've never seen before. They are concerned at
her blood pressure, which is VERY high - by the time I left, it was DOWN to 178 over 96 or something like that. They gave her insulin and her blood sugar came down to the mid 300's - still dangerously high. The symptoms of a minor stroke, you see, apparently look a lot like low blood sugar - and low blood sugar would have been the obvious and first guess of anyone dealing with a diabetic under those conditions, they assure me. This doesn't really make me feel better. They say faced with the possibility of low blood sugar, it was the right choice, since that is far more dangerous then high blood sugar, and if her sugar was low enough to make her incoherent, then it was absolutely necessary. And her sugar might have been low at that point as well. This STILL doesn't make me feel better. My wife says I took very good care of her. Which makes me feel even worse.

So I am going back to the hospital in the am - well, after my very very very good friend picks her daughter up from day camp, she will come and take us all to the hospital, and hopefully there will be some good news. My wife is in the Natick Leonard Morse Hospital in Natick. Those of you who know my cell phone number are welcome to call. If you want to visit, please do.

My wife sends this message, and I quote:
"You're going to blog this. Tell them to be nice to you, tell them to be kind, cause you're not well either and this is very hard on you. Please take care of my puppy. Tell everyone that I'm trying to have a positive outlook, well, as much as I can under the circumstances. Tell them ..um ... I don't know, tell them I'm better I guess?"

I am very tired. I feel worn out and stretched way too thin. Anyone kind enough to keep me company is welcome, I'm not good company but I realized, getting home, that I don't really know what to do alone in the house anymore.... can't figure out how that woman organizes the kitchen, so I'm munching on whatever looks easy and doesn't require more than 1 step or any thought, and getting some unconsciousness - or sleep, call it what you will. In the am I'm packing her up some clothes and spending some time with Dami before I go back to the hospital. I'll post an update when I can. Cross fingers, light candles, pray, do whatever good vibe thing you do for us, ok?
I can't take another long major illness in this family, I really can't. Ok, enough. Goodnight.

Oh, and Thank you Geoff. Thank you Melissa.

PS Oh, and the most entertaining and original test for cognitive impairment ever award goes to ...
Tal, I have an odd question for you
Ok
Can you name all the squadrons in Shadowforce for me?
You're kidding.
No, can you?
Um ... ok ... (a dozen + squads later) Are you doing this to see if I'm coherent or are you looking for information
Just humour me
Gods, I can't do them in alphabetical order ....
Well, I'm looking for cognitive impairment
I'm not impaired, I don't have notes!

Amen.

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BLOG ENTRY TWO
August 1st, 2008
Thank you !!!

8/1/08 10:01 pm

to everyone who replied, all your thoughts, all your kindnesses - thank you.
Sorry it's hard to respond to each and every one.
Here's the lastest on things and a little more info on other squalor we're dealing with:

I'm sure people want to know what's going on and how she's doing. I wish I could tell you. I'm sitting here in the hospital room;
(well, actually, I'm writing this in her hospital room, but I can't post it until later when I get home cause this is an ancient IBM
thinkpad, and I don't have fancy gadgets like wifi cards, etc)

I've just talked to her doctor and her neurologist - and they told me a lot of nothing. Not much change in her condition, though her
blood pressure and sugar are down more - they're still high, she's still dizzy, oh, and yeah, she still vomits up anything not liquid.
The MRI was a bust - she couldn't lay flat on her back long enough for them to do it. You would think, by now, that someone had done
enough technological development that they could accommodate patients who weren't flat on their back. You would think.

They are sticking with the cocktail of anti-nausea, anti-vertigo, fix blood sugar and fix blood pressure drugs for the night, including
patches of nitro paste for her pressure, geesh. Tomorrow they are doing another cat scan, and the neurologist
says she's ordering a spinal tap (despite Tia weakly protesting that those hurt). They don't know what this is yet. She's less
coherent every time I see her. I don't think she really knew who was in her room to see her today, and I'm not sure that she knew when I said goodnight ... it's hard to tell, she's so out of it. This is awful, it's so hard to see her this way. But, sadly, there is more ...

If you thought that was rock bottom, it gets worse, believe or not.

I got notification today from my insurance company that they were:

1. cancelling my health insurance policy, and
2. denying my worker's comp claim, which means no more compensation pay.

And why exactly is that so bad? Besides the fact that it means they're trying to cut me off, refuse the surgery and basically terminate me,
that was also the benefit payment check with the last couple of hundred we needed to pay August's rent. And, last time we were late on the rent, our landlord didn't renew our lease and put us on tenant at will status. He's odd and twitchy, and it took over a half an hour to get him
to agree that we could stay and wouldn't be late again, even AFTER we had made the rent on time for 2 months. All of this means, if we
don't come up with that money for the entire rent payment before August 6, we are evicted. Obviously, all I've told my wife is that
everything is fine - she hardly needs to know how bad it is. Not that she would necessarily comprehend what I'm saying since she's
seriously out of it. The truth is that we are in a serious hole, and have nearly everything overdue - and what isn't overdue is shut off.

So, here begins my plea. I have to confess, this wasn't my idea - but the person who suggested it did so by placing the first order, so I guess
she really meant it. As before, you know who you are, thank you. A little from a lot of people would bail us out, so I'm offering a trade.

Lots of people like celtic knotwork and tribal art. I do both.

I'm willing to do custom knotwork and tribal pieces in return for paypay donations. I do entirely celtic knotwork art, entirely
tribal art, and celtic-tribal fusion art, which is my very own artistic style and seems to be gaining popularity. I even have an upcoming
website and cafe press shop for my artwork, which I've been doing for orders for a while. Here's what I can do:

A fusion version of your breed of dog
A tribal version of your pet (any)
A fusion version of your pet (any)
A fusion version of whatever animal you like
A tribal version of your name
A celtic version of your name
A fusion version of your name
A tribal or fusion version of your character (larp or tabletop)
A fusion version of your zodiac sign

There are suggested donation rates on the order form, but obviously, we'd be grateful for any offer.

If you donate to the worthy cause of helping us out of a crisis, you get the nifty bonus of my original, one of a kind artwork.
Isn't that grand? You can give to my newest favorite charity, feel good about yourself AND have your own personal artwork.

Look here: http://www.chaosangel.com/FusionArt/donations.html

http://www.chaosangel.com/FusionArt/ has examples of my work in the galleries, but the site and regular order form page isn't
working quite yet - trouble with the shopping cart - you can look around if you like but please use the above donations link to place
any actual orders! Let me know if anyone can make a shopping cart work... I'm good at pretty, not at code.

Anyone who is willing to help, fill out the form, put in an order, and make your donation, and I'll get right on your requested artwork.
Even if you can't donate, come visit and let me know what you think of the artwork, that's helpful too, since I'm trying to get this
going on an ongoing basis. So, any takers?

If you know someone you think would love to help who doesn't read live journal - gasp - please forward the journal entry url to them, please
and thank you - it's set for public viewing.

At the least give me something distracting to do LOL Thanks all. Tags: fusionart, tia

* Current Location: end of the rope
* Current Music: Tiny Dancer, Elton John, don't ask
* Current Mood: traumatized

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BLOG ENTRY THREE
Hospital Update and OMG! Thank You!
8/3/08 01:21 am

Two very good things happened today.

First, Tali was feeling a little bit better. She managed some coherent conversations for a little while, due in no small part to our nearly miraculous weekend guest - thank you Glenn. She even ate a good part of her dinner, slowly, but it stayed down! Yea! While they still don't know what caused everything, they have managed to get her blood pressure down to the mid 100's over high 80's/low 90's and have also managed to get her blood sugar down to around 170! This is amazing, considering it was over 450 when we arrived. Her nurse was hopeful that tomorrow will bring even more improvement. She told me that most hospital patients have a major change of state around day three, so cross fingers and light candles that Tali has a positive turn tomorrow! We have had a regular parade of specialists in - neurologist, psychologist, social worker, diabetes specialist, wound care nurse, gastroendicrinologist - and we're still waiting on the ENT specialist. My my, all those ists and isms and no answers.... ah well, I'll take "getting better" over "getting labels" any day.

Second, I have realized that we are truly some of the wealthiest people on this planet.

We may be broke, but we have the most wonderful, amazing, and truly kind friends that anyone could ever hope to have. I read my email this morning right before leaving for the hospital, and I was in tears, seeing what happened overnight; seeing all the orders you made. I cannot even begin to ever fully thank everyone who read my post, put in an order for artwork and left a donation. I was overwhelmed and deeply touched by the response. Of course, I never dreamed that I would get so many orders, so these might take a while. For all of you who did order, I'll be doing those orders that are for birthday and special event gifts first, so they don't arrive too late for the people who ordered them as gifts. But I will be as busy as I can, getting them all done as soon as is humanly possible. I'll get them all done as I can and I'll contact each of you when yours is done. Right now it's a bit tough, I'm spending most of the day in the hospital and running around like crazy at night trying desperatly to make some sense out of my surroundings and getting to sleep after 2 or 3, but I found I can do some drawing sitting in her room while she's asleep ... and it passes the time.

This awful black cloud that's been floating over our heads is starting to lighten up a bit and I think I might even see hope out there on the horizon. Thanks to those orders, I'm no longer terrified at our situation and it's possible that we may even be able to afford an oil delivery and get hot water back again, which would be so wonderful - it ran out a few weeks back and we've just been making due as we couldn't afford it under the circumstances with the current price of oil. Just another aggravating detail we've been gamely trying to ignore and make do.

But having friends volunteering to help out with groceries and with OMG Thank-you! the balance for the rent, those art orders may buy oil, so I thank you all more than you will ever know! My back is terribly grateful too! It will be nice to sleep without waking suddenly to a panicky drowning feeling knowing everything was closing in without any solution in sight. Thank you to each and every one of you all, so very much, and a few very extra special thank yous to Melissa, Briony, Tom, Kenny and Glenn for friendship above and beyond the pale - we will never forget what you've done for us, I only hope that we prove to be the kind of friends back to you that you deserve to have!

Though I hate to ask anyone for anything right now, I find I have to . It would be really helpful if someone had a bit of time Monday morning to help out with transport for a few errands ... ?

Ni hespa go dith cara - Go raibh míle maith carad

(There is no need like the lack of a friend - May you have a thousand good friends !)

* Current Music: Weird Al and Avenue Q, but only in my head. Lucky me.
* Current Mood: hopeful

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BLOG ENTRY FOUR
August 3rd, 2008
Nobody gets sick over the weekend ...
8/3/08 06:36 pm

... or has an accident or anything. How do I know this?

Because over the weekend, there are only fill-in doctors whose sole concern is to maintain the status quo and put all patients on over-weekend maintenance. No new treatments or tests are done, no orders are placed, nobody is discharged. This way, the covering doctors don't cause a fuss or step on any toes or anything. Well it's obvious that regular doctors need a few days off a week, you would think that at least ONE decision-making person for each patient floor would be scheduled each weekend .... but, sigh, no, they all take the weekend off. Privilege of rank and all that, I suppose.

All of which means, there has been no progress. They still have no diagnosis, although there is a growing consensus of doubt that there is enough physical evidence to support the theory of a stroke, so keep something crossed that they are correct! The weekend nurses on the floor and I have talked quite a bit - by the way, the fifth floor weekend (at least) nursing staff at the Leonard Morse is beyond compare - they are just wonderful and clueful and helpful and lots of other ful. One I talked to quite a bit, and we discussed the hospitals strengths and weaknesses - very interesting - this (nameless for consideration) nurse said that the hospital is excellent for neurology and nearly as good for cardiac issues and endocrinology. This nurse was not so confident in the gastro-intestinal specialists and mentioned that the doctors could be better, LOL and also that the hospitals real pitfall is that is has no maternity, obstetrics or pediatrics. I have to agree, that's an awfully big dept. to ignore.

Anyway, point is that it is an excellent hospital for Tali right now, and that's what matters. Well, during the week anyway, although the weekend maintenance care is exceptional and very attentive. On the good news side, her blood sugars are down to a range between 135 and 145, holding steadily. While we'd really like to see a steady hold closer to 100, even 110, this is much much better. The same nurse said that increasing the units of one of the insulins will probably bring it down those last 20 odd points to a steady number in a good range. That is very good news and very hopeful.

Her blood pressure, which was also way out of control, is now holding only 10 to 20 points high systolic and in a good range under 95 - was down to 88 - diastolic, which is also excellent news. The only poor news is that the fluid retention numbers are elevated, which is unhappy with the chf, but her ekg is still pristine and they've dc'd (canceled) the IV fluids, so that should come under control hopefully in a day or so.

She managed to half-sit up today to eat dinner, and ate most of her meal, which is a great improvement - and it all stayed down. On the down side, the vertigo isn't any better, the headache is still hanging in there despite furicet and a host of other meds. My chats with the nurses confirm that they are suspicious of the same thing I am - that there is infection and swelling in the inner ear and that is the cause of both the vertigo and the high white blood cell count - lets hope the doctors back that up and try the MRI again. I think she can tolerate it now, with some ativan and something for discomfort. Tonight she was having terrible chest pains, but the ekg showed clear and pristine, so the nurse gave her morphine for the pain, which also cured her bout of consciousness. When I left she was sliding off into morphine land, which is about 50 miles south of vicodin valley and percocet place. My greatest hope is that tomorrow (well tonight's) post will have some real news and an idea of what's wrong and what will fix it - cross finger, light candles and hope REAL HARD that this is an infection exasberated by the out of control blood sugar and blood pressure. That would be fantastic and TREATABLE news, I hope, I hope, I hope, and MUCH less scary then a stroke. So, here's to hoping tomorrow (well, today) is better.

In other news, my god, thank you to everyone who sent in orders for artwork - I will be VERY busy for a while trying to make a dent in the pile while still keeping up with everything else going on, but we are so terribly grateful. I'll be working as fast as I can on those, and so many of you included a note to say 'no rush, take care of things first' - and I can't tell you how grateful I am at your understanding as well. All those orders are so much help, along with some very kind help from other wonderful friends - it looks like we are going to be able to pull out of this hole now - there have been enough orders and donations to get us through this and help us stay afloat. Thank you all, I have never seen such amazing kindness and generosity in my life, and I am utterly stunned and just grateful beyond words to everyone who has reached out to help us. Believe me, every one of you can ask me for help and favors for the rest of your lives whenever I can do something for you. I can't even express how touched I am to see how many people reached out to help and how very generous you all were. Thank you, thank you, a thousand thank yous, we get to not get evicted and get some of the other horrible things on track - thank you so very much for being such good friends and for those of you who we don't even know - I can't even tell you how stunned I was at those - a thousand thank yous for your kindness for a stranger - I hope that brings you endless good karma!!!! While I have never liked to have to ask for help - I guess nobody ever really does - I can barely express how deeply moved I am by all of you who have helped us so much - again, thank you thank you thank you. It's nothing short of miraculous, and you are all just the very best people and I am terribly fortunate to know every one of you.

More news tonight, I hope, and lots of errands, fixing things and artwork for me today. Thank you and good day for now.

* Current Mood: hopeful

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BLOG ENTRY FIVE
Do I blog cause I'm awake or am I awake to blog?
8/5/08 02:02 am

It's 2 am, so naturally I'm updating my journal. No, I'm not still up and not able to sleep, I'm not even wide awake, but this is something to do until the adrenaline-fueled panic of waking suddenly in total confusion dies down and I can get a deep breath without pain.

You see, my recollections went like this. We got home from the hospital, checked on the animals, sat down on the sofas. Dami was on the phone with my mom, I was commenting on the side, I closed my eyes for a moment ... and we were ducking behind a rotting wall so the glare of the headlights didn't see us hiding in the shack, since we didn't have any vehicle take-outs left. When they turned, we ran out the back, but they were expecting it and there was a spray of bullets .. and (begin dream) the simm/game was over. The boss explained to me that there were only 6 choices to make, and only 2 of them were viable, and try again. So we went back in, but there was a 7th choice. I found this kid who lived in the simm world, outside the choices, and he showed me how to move around the limits of the game. I didn't understand and kept trying to get him to be IN the limits, but eventually I understood how to get out of the box and we took these weird gifts of the cloth that was never torn or bloodied to the village elders before the war started and avoided it entirely. Then me and the kid went off somewhere to hang out or something beyond the war, part of which required running down wet city streets, and down one dark street lit only in puddles that for no reason I can fathom let to Nicole's apartment (Hi Nicole!) and then through some trees and into a place that was beyond the game -- as in so far outside the boundaries of the game that it was never part of the programming and really shouldn't exist, but they figured it out and then they drove the war deeper into the game to reach us and everything went to total chaos ... and then I was suddenly gasping for air and very sweaty and on this sofa with a cat looking at me like I was nuts. Still dark, don't know what's going on - got up, found the dog, found the kid, everything was where it ought to be, so I got a drink and sat my befuddled butt down here to start blogging. Yep, I'm fine. Weird as hell, but basically intact I think.

The hospital today was frustrating. They did a sum total of nothing. The cardiac doctor who took care of her during the CHF hospitalization came to see her, but all I know is that he'll be back tomorrow. They sent her for another CAT scan, but nobody had any results to give me. My major involvement seemed to be that the nurses were waiting until I got there to have me rewrap the wound on her leg .... and I understand this ... not. And I helped clear up the confusion with her dinner tray. That's it, nothing more useful then that. She seemed very down and very out of it today, extremely sleepy and 95% of her communication was her worrying about us, about stuff getting done, about the dog, etc etc, but all in a very sleepy, kind of surreal way, with half the words involving whatever she was dreaming about. Which basically tells me the world's ok, cause we seem to be the same kind of weird.

In other news, today was completely bizarre for me. I closed my eyes this morning, asking Dami to wake me at 9:15 since I was expecting a call to get picked up for errands. I woke when my phone rang, and an Eric was talking to me, but I'm not sure *which* Eric, since he said he'd call back when I was more awake and never did, and I know more then one Eric. I was completely startled to find out is was 2:00 in the afternoon, Dami was just waking up from having slept all day too, and I was a bit shocked. Realizing I was out of time to take care of things, I called Melissa, who was amazingly understanding in the face of my babbled explanations about banks and bills and hospitals and time, and so packed her kids into the van and came and rescued me to run me to the bank, the property management company and the storage unit place so I could get the overdue bills paid. Then we stopped at the little plaza to get all the kids ice cream for being good sports, and us for being, well, there, and then she dropped me and Dami off at the hospital. So the good news is that the rent is paid, and thank you to everyone for all the help, the storage unit is paid so they don't put everything up for auction and now *I* can LOL, and the oil company will come give us our hot water back on Wed. I won't be stuck trying to get around tomorrow since Geoff was kind enough to let me use his vehicle for the day while he's at work tomorrow, and [info]roaming is letting me borrow a car for a week or two until I get mine up and working. Things are looking up, at least outside of the hospital, and hopefully tomorrow will see thing getting better. My one other concern is that I hope Lindy is ok since I didn't hear from her today and I was concerned.' Ah well. I'm going back to sleep, apparently I'm really sleep depped. Geoff stopped at AC Moore for me on the way home so I could get some more inking pens, so I'll hopefully have some artwork in the finishing stages tomorrow. Yea.

Oh, for those of you who sent personal messages, I'm not ignoring you, I just haven't had the cycles to get to answering all my overdue email yet, so bear with me. Thanks.

* Current Mood: confused

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BLOG ENTRY SIX
No news is, apparently, NOT good news
8/5/08 06:57 pm

Bear with me.

All of this came on very suddenly, and the confusing symptoms kept them from getting a diagnosis.
They tried to get an MRI right after this happened, but Tali couldn't handle it, so they've been working through other diagnostic tools.

Today they sent her back for the MRI to see if they could get through the series, and managed to get all of it except for the last two minute series. When we got back to the hospital, a squadron of doctors pulled me aside to explain what they had discovered.

Tali has had a major stroke in the lower cerebellum, which is the area of the brain that controls balance and equilibrium. It's also why she's having trouble talking, it can cause slurred speech. They are saying that her being able to move her hands and feet, arms and legs is a good sign, but that the vertigo is because of the damage to that part of her brain and will only go away with time.

Tonight they are doing a cat angio scan, which they tell me will look at what condition the blood vessels in that part of her brain are in. They have her on aspirin and plavix to thin out the platelets in the blood to help prevent more blood clots. She is being transferred to MGH, Mass General Hospital, where there is a full neurology lab. If tonight's scan shows that there are weakened or leaking or whatever blood vessels, she will need to be at the Mass General for a procedure to repair and strengthen the blood vessels in that part of her brain. If the scan doesn't show more problems, then they will observe her, watch for more potential clots and try to start stroke therapy.

Because the part of the brain affected controls balance and equilibrium, she is going to need a long course of therapy to learn to handle her balance and such visually instead of instinctually, since that part of the brain will no longer function in that manner due to the damage from the
lack of oxygen caused by the blood clot.

We have a long, hard road ahead to help her return to a normal life, and with luck she will have enough recovery to not have any noticeable impairments in the long term. For now, however, things just don't look so great, and if she needs the procedure at the Mass General, well, that comes with it's own list of complications.

Pray for us. If she is someone you consider a friend, come visit her. For now she's in Natick, if that changes tonight, I will let people know. Ok, that's about all I have to say.

( What kind of scan is she getting - what's a cat angio scan? )

What is a cerebellum stroke or infarction?

Look here: http://www.medscape.com/medline/abstract/8236175 for an explanation

* Current Mood: numb

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BLOG ENTRY SEVEN
August 5th, 2008
It's 2:30 am, do you know where your sanity is?
8/5/08 09:36 pm

It is, again, early in the morning, and I have just gotten home - so Briony and Tom, you don't have to worry, this is also an I'm down and safe for you.

After I posted my last entry, I went back to Natick hospital, with Geoff and Dami . They dropped me, then waited to make sure I wouldn't need further assistance or ride or anything. As an interesting side note, my backyard at the moment smells like dead skunk in the rain. It's a very potent aroma ... choke, gasp, choke. I take that back - it smells like wet, ANGRY skunk, getting closer by the minute. Ack. It finally found me.

Anyway, Tali was still in her room, as of yet untransferred, so I let poor Geoff know he could go home and keep his van. The nursing staff told me that Tali had just come back from her angiography (no results or info on that yet) and was pending an imminent transfer to MGH - they were expecting the ambulance at 9:30. Well, it took a bit longer to get her ready to go due to some complications I'm sure she would rather I don't mention, and I went to chat with the crew to make sure they didn't mind a passenger. Sometimes knowing the system brings you no joy - they called ALS for her, which means paramedics, and ordered a transfer with full monitoring and O2. This will mean something to some of you and for the rest, well, lets just say it didn't bring me any joy. They dc'd her ativan, they thought it was more important to monitor cognitive status then worry about anxiety. Sigh.

So, all loaded up, we went to MGH. Nice medic crew, very kind. This makes 3 good AMR crews I've met in one day - says good things about AMR these days. We got her settled in her room on 12 White at the General and the medics left. The nurse came in - very sweet lady - and did the forever paperwork with lots of questions. Then the doctor finally came in to see her - I swear he wasn't a day over 20 if that - oh my god, she has Doogie Hauser for a doctor! - with a med student who I swear was at least 10 years older then him. They were very nice though, and did a very thorough evaluation, which they solicited my help with - nice to not be ignored. I gave the nurse very explicit instructions on changing the wound bandaging on the ulceration on her leg, and the nurse put my instructions in the file notes - again, big points with me. Finally, by 12:30, they had her all settled and done for the night so she could get some rest. She's terrified and achy and hurting, and tells me she keeps her eyes shut cause whenever she opens them, the entire world is upside down and spinning. No joy. Every time she tries to move, she panics when she can't get herself untangled from the bedclothes and sheets - I have to remember to take her something comfortable to sleep in that will make her less panicky. Tomorrow I need to bring her bi-pap machine and mask to the hospital, they want it there with her.

So, after saying goodnight, I went downstairs to find poor Tom standing outside the main entrance, having been waiting there for me since around 11:30 or so. Yikes! He was kind enough to listen to me babble on and on and on and ... and drove me back to his house where I got to chat with him and Briony for a few before Briony handed me the keys to her car and a few helpful tips and lots of good wishes and hugs. Don't know what I'd have done in all this without them, and am very very very glad I didn't have to find out. So, it's oh my god late, and I drove back to Natick, safely, no thanks however to the somewhat suicidal and highly acrobatic deer that did it's best to put me in the bed next to my wife. Fortunately, it was dark and rainy and I was going a little slow, so had plenty of time to let the deer cross the road in peace, even after stopping to stare panic stricken into my headlights for a moment. In truth, I was in no danger of hitting it, but I'm sure the deer didn't feel that way. Its a road I always go a bit slow on at night with high beams on, since it has a high area deer population and this isn't the first time one has come bounding over the low stone walls to land in the center of the road and freeze directly in front of me. Last time the deer brought a little deer with it, this time it was a solo command performance.

And so, with no real mishaps, I have dragged my exhaused ass home again and have given a good bout of attention to the very hysterical puppy who looks past me at the door every time I come home then glares at me, as if to say, you forgot her again!
Tomorrow I have to pack a bag for Dami for vacation, pack up the bi-pap machine, get my stuff together, try to find a wifi or wireless card for this damn laptop and schlep us all into Boston for the day, where I will visit with Tali for a bit, then take Dami to the train station to catch a train to Jersey to meet up with my mom, then either back to the hospital, or a quick jag to Natick for the animals THEN back to the hospital. With Dami going on vacation for two weeks, if I could find occasional pet care, I could spend more time with Tali. So, any pet sitters out there game to take on a nervous (but not aggresive) Shiba, an overly friendly and always hungry cat and a very friendly and desperate for attention rabbit now and then? Sign ups are below LOL.

Anyway, I'm off to organize my current artwork projects (all those orders :-), stare at something on the tv for a little while (likely the xbox since I haven't bothered to reinstate cable - it's just not a justifiable expense right now) and pass out for a few hours.

If you want to come visit Tali tomorrow, call my cell phone and arrange a time. If you need the number drop a private note to me or to Melissa (you're deputized to hand out my cell number) if I don't answer you. Sorry but I REALLY don't want to post it on LJ :-) I'm sure you understand. Good night all, more news tomorrow, I hope.

* Current Mood: exhausted

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BLOG ENTRY EIGHT
August 6th, 2008
No news is ... no news ... but still many words
8/6/08 08:45 am

Today, exhausted, I overslept again and woke up late. Realizing the time and mostly panicked, I got Dami packed, got everything together, got us both cleaned up and dressed, took care of the animals, kenneled the dog and flew into Boston. Luck was with us, I only had to circle twice to get a parking spot right outside South Station - yea! - and we made it only 5 minutes past our planned arrival time. We rushed inside and up to the ticket window - where the woman couldn't find Dami's reservation. Panic! I call my mom, get the confirmation number from my confused sounding mother, repeat it to the ticket lady, and listen to the nice ticket lady and my mother say in unison, "But that train ticket is for tomorrow."
Oh yes, I got him there on time. 25 hours before his train was supposed to leave, in fact. I nearly burst into tears. The ticket lady was SO sympathetic, she gave me all the paperwork that needs to be done and told me I did very good, if the train WAS today, we were an hour early just like they recommend. I got the distinct feeling that if there were no glass between us, she would have patted me on the shoulder and said "There there dear." This, of course, made my poor mother very upset for me - she said she felt terrible about going on vacation, that she should be up here and helping me and ... so I felt bad for dragging her into my confusion. Anyway, I told her the best thing she could do was to pick up Dami and take him on vacation, just like we planned, only without me or Tia. Dami does NOT need to be in the middle of this chaos, and with everything I'm trying to do, I'm short-changing him on my time, and that's not fair to him either. Nope, best thing she can do is let him have his summer vacation at the beach. I only hope SHE can relax, as worried as she is about me and Tali.

So, now completely befuddled I called Geoff, who was going to have Dami overnight anyway, and arranged to drop Dami off at his office for the last hour or two of his worktime. I got Dami lunch and took him over to the office, where he got to play on a computer while waiting for his dad to get out of work. Well, I was in Boston. Oh, in the middle of this the oil people called and told me they were at my house, and wasn't I there to let them in? Uh, no. So they delivered the oil, once I gave them a credit card number, and tomorrow they will send a tech in the morning to my complete disaster of a house and prime the pump and get it going again. Of course, because the tech is coming independently of the oil, that means they will be adding a service charge. Never mind that if they driver primed the pump when he delivered the oil it was no charge - but an extra call means an extra charge. A $90 service charge, just to do what their drivers do when they deliver anyway. Ok, how to get no charge? Oh, we could reschedule your delivery for a week from now. Never mind, just deliver it, whatever, I'll figure it out. Assholes. And we have to use them cause the landlord has a service contract on the equipment with that company. Another asshole. As if heating oil weren't expensive enough, they have to milk you for every penny they can. What a crock. Ah well, it's almost worth finally having a hot shower tomorrow and finally being able to wash the pile of white laundry in the basement that's threatening to take over Dami's rec room. Won't even mention how nice it will be to be able to wash the dishes in the dishwasher again! Arggggg.

Finally, I get to the hospital. The tradeoff for moving to a bigger, better, more complete hospital is that everything is now impersonal. There are so many doctors I haven't even met them all. The squadron of nurses is intimidating and the aides are ... well ... bitchy. Tali hates it there, which isn't helping, but her roommate is just so sweet and considerate. I have warning signs up all over her room to make sure nobody comes in with altoids or mint gum, or tries to feed her anything mint. Her roommates told me that during the morning Tali needed help turning over and got tangled in the jungle of tubes and wires and was "screaming" for help. Her roommate rang for a nurse - and it was over 20 minutes until anyone came in to help. I feel like if I'm not there all the time, they just ignore her, but I just can't manage to and can't take being there all day. Gods, that must make me a terrible person, but it's so exhausting. She's in constant pain and discomfort and everything she tries to do scares and frustrates her, so when I'm there, she is asking for help every two minutes. I want to do everything I can to help her and make her less scared, but after a few hours I'm wrung out and just can't take it. And I'm not doing her any favours, since the doctors want her to try to manage everything she can to see what kind of progress she's making with mental status, but how can I sit there and watch her struggle? But I'm not really helping if I'm helping - it's maddening. She's terrified - she can't see because her eyes won't focus - her pupils are in constant random motion so she's always dizzy and things are always spinning. The doctors back in Natick said it will eventually get better, but it's been over a week now and ... well ... she's really not improving at all. She can feed herself if I hand her the dishes or the nurses cut things into bite size for her, but it's hard for her to do and half the time she spills. She can't sit up, sometimes she can't even manage to roll over. Everything makes her nauseus, I feel so bad for her but even when I'm there I find there isn't much I can do for the things she says hurt or bother her. She feels like she can't breathe all the time - I talked to her main nurse tonight to contact the doctor overseeing her case and see if they could prescribe anything for anxiety, because the fear is making even little things awful.
When I left the hospital tonight, I went and got her some soft cotton things to sleep in so she can be more comfortable, and got her a book on tape so she could at least "read" something. I'll take her a fan and some music discs tomorrow, so she can escape the sound and feeling of the hospital a bit. I also got her a reed diffuser to make the room smell better.

People keep asking what they can do for her. Ok, now I have answers. Books on tape. She likes romance stories - especially historical romances or dark (supernatural) romances. Things like Laurell K Hamilton's Vampire Hunter stories and the like. She loves Beatrice Small and historical romances novels like that. Dunno, she's hooked on those books :-) I find it amusing. But if you want to get her some kind of get well gift or something, forget the flowers and the cards. She can't see the flowers and she can't read the cards. Get her audio books. Or soft cotton sleep things, like tank and shorts sets. If you want to do that and need sizing info, contact me. She loves tinkerbell and gothic things - that's what I always look for in sleep things and such for her. That's my best answer ... not that flowers or cards wouldn't be appreciated - don't get me wrong, she LOVES flowers - but she's so uncomfortable and she just can't get rid of the anxiety of being in a hospital - I think the escape would do her more good. Of course, this won't stop me from bringing her flowers anyway ...
I think we're looking at a very long road to recovery - she's too upset and scared to try to fight this yet, so she's kind of drowning in it. If you have the time, please come visit her. 'She needs reasons to come back to the world, she's really sinking into this and it's getting harder and harder to shake her out. She's on the 12th floor in building A - White - which is neurological care unit. Take the A elevators to Floor 12, go right into Neurological Care, turn right down the first hallway of patient rooms and go to the end of the hallway - she's in 1236 on the left, first bed. She needs a reason to want to get better - and I need help giving her one, so please find some time in your schedule and come visit. Many of you know her - but you don't have to know her really well to come lend some support - come talk about anything in the real world, anything interesting - it will only help. Do make sure to check with a nurse to see if she needs to be made presentable for company before you go in, please and thank you. Nobody looks great in a hospital bed and it would make her less embarrassed if people don't walk in while she's discombobulated. But don't let that stop you, please come visit if you can.

Tomorrow the oil tech will come before noon. Then I have to take Dami to South Station - we must be there by 2. Between those two things, if there is time, I will be at the hospital. After putting Dami on the train, I will be at the hospital. I have to leave to pick up Randi, Tia's sister,at Logan sometime around 11:20, but besides that I'll be there. Melissa, who didn't cry foul about being deputized, can still be contacted to get my cell number if you need it. Thanks so much Melissa, you are doing me a great favor by handing out my number for me so I don't have to check online. I have my cell with me 24/7 - so I will answer if you call.

Oh, if anyone knows where I can get a wifi/wireless card for an IBM thinkpad running Windows XP Pro 2002 with a Intel Pentium III 498 MgH processor, please let me know!!!! It would really help if this thing was useful from the hospital. Thanks! - Jet

* Current Mood: rushed

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BLOG ENTRY NINE
August 7th, 2008
Your Karma Ran Over My Dogma
8/7/08 12:07 am

One might think I am a bit slow, since its taken me so long to figure it all out. But, at long last, I have an answer. I believe, in a previous life, I was either an axe murderer or a serial killer or I at least abused small cute furry animals for fun. There is just no other way I racked up this much bad karma in one life time, there really isn't. We just don't deserve this - and Tia/Sherry never did anything in her life to deserve all of what she's been through in the past few years. If anyone up there is listening, we really deserve a break!

On this lovely stormy Boston evening, I am sitting in the cell phone waiting parking lot at Logan Airport, having left the hospital a little while ago. I've been at Logan, according to my cell phone, for an hour. The nice concierge at the Hyatt let me use the lobby bathroom so I'm no longer waiting at Logan while I also have to pee, which is nice. It is an improvement. The entire sky here lights up every few minutes with the reason I'm sitting here. You see, I left the hospital some time ago to find my way across Boston to the Rt 90 tunnel entrance to Logan, which required following no fewer then 3 crazy Boston detours. Randi is supposed to be arriving at Terminal C at 11:11 ... why do they call them terminals? Who ever thought that would be a good name to make people want to fly?
Anyway, I knew Randi's flight was going to be delayed, half an hour she said, so I was able to stop at 7-11 on the way. I pulled into the halfway curve of terminal B where people sneak to wait - some of you will understand what that means - and got out of the car pretending to study a map under the lights while actually having a smoke. Mainly cause I will not smoke in the borrowed car of a non-smoker! That's rude. So, the phone rang just in time for the 30 minute delayed flight to have arrived - but it was definitely not arrived. Here is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Hey Rand, you all set now?"
Randi: "Well ... not exactly."
Me: "Ok, where are you?"
Randi: "Still on the plane, on the ground, still at JFK."
Me: "..........................."
Randi: "Yeah, they say there could be up to a 2 hour delay now, even before we taxi, cause of all the backed up delayed flights."
Me: "Oh ............."
Randi: Yeah, I'm sorry, like you could go home and I'll call you .."
Me: No, Rand we live like 45-60 minutes from Logan. That's about a 2 hour round trip, that would waste too much gas and there's not much point."
Randi: "Oh, I'm really sorry."
Me: "No, it's not your fault, just give me a ring when you're up here. I'll be somewhere near Logan, waiting."
Randi: "Ok, are you sure?"
Me: "Don't worry about it, just call me when you're here."
Randi: "Ok."
We bye and hang up.
Me: "........................... sigh"

An so, with my ice-watered-down iced coffee from the hospital and a bag of salt and vinegar chips from 7-11, and a half-full soduko book, and a computer that won't run off batteries and not enough space, angle or lighting to work on art orders ... here I am in a monsoon. At Logan. In the cell phone lot. Waiting. I really really with Randi had been able to find an earlier flight, like a pre-storm flight, but it was not to be ... so we have the Jet is up all night flight. Sigh. Randi's 11:11 flight came in THREE HOURS late, and I picked her up about 2:20ish. It's now 4:20 am, we're both safely in Natick, and I am totally done in. My head is pounding and I'm totally exhausted, but I don't want to miss updating people.

When I left the hospital, I left at the last minute that I could, because Tali was scheduled for a test that I was trying to stay with her for, but apparently they were going to do it in the middle of the night. Why do they wake patients up in the middle of the night for this shit? Anyway, Tali was really terrified of this test, and I don't know why, I explained it to her a bunch of times and even asked the nurse to explain it to her. The test is an ultrasound of her neck - specifically her carotid artery - and though it isn't going to be painful or invasive, she was just for some reason terrified of it. Everything is starting to scare her, cause she just doesn't understand what's happening to her and why she can't do things. She can't sit up, she can't roll over easily, she can't do many things that she thinks she ought to be able to do. The reason for the ultrasound is that the cat audiography was inconclusive and they need to see what kind of condition her carotid arteries are. For those of you who need that explained, those are the two major blood vessels that run up each side of your neck, where you can feel your pulse. If those arteries are damaged, or shrunken, or whatever, then there is, I believe, a greater chance of another stroke, at the least, and in need of some sort of treatment or procedure, at the worst. She was really not coping well today, and is developing a tendency to start screaming "help, help" for everything that panics her, like she can't reach her drink, or she feels tangled in her blanket. She isn't even trying to do anything for herself unless told to, and I'm very worried about this. I keep trying to get her to try to do it with me, so she doesn't get too frustrated but is still trying ... but ... I don't know. It's just awful and I feel very helpless much of the time. I can't fix most of the things that are upsetting her, but I did get one of her neurologists to put ativan on her medication list so she can have something when she's feeling terribly anxious. Thank you to Lars for his visit and company today.

Tomorrow I am meeting with her neurological team and probably talking with her endocrinologist again as well, so maybe I can get some greater picture of what we're looking at. I would like to get the results not only from tonight's ultrasound, but also from the previous cat angiography in relation to the mri results. With any luck, I'll be able to say something more intelligent about her prognosis tomorrow.

* Current Mood: exhausted

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BLOG ENTRY TEN
August 8th, 2008
Today's entry is hard to write. I am completely numb.
8/8/08 2:07 am

Randi and I slept in a bit after our gruesome airport experience. On our way to the hospital, we stopped to pick up a few things for Tia to brighten up the room, cheer her up, and especially water-free shampoo to help her get her hair washed and feel better about herself.

Laden down with bags, we trekked up to the 12th floor of white, wandered down the corridor to her room - and found some woman we don't know standing over what should have been Tia's bed where some older man was now laying. Horribly confused, we asked where she went, and realized after some confused exchanges with those people that she'd been moved. Slightly panicky, we went to the nurse's station to ask, and a nurse who seemed terribly surprised that we didn't know, explained that she'd been moved to the ICU.

She said she wasn't there when it happened, but relayed this story to me. One of Tia's nurses had gone in this morning, around 10 or so, to help her up to sit in a chair for a few minutes. She'd done this the day before and had wanted to do it again. So the nurse put her in the chair (with a safety harness, I think) and stepped out to get something. When she came back in, she found Tia unresponsive with fixed pupils - which is never a good sign.

ICU was called and they rushed her down there. It was shortly discovered that she had suffered another stroke, much smaller and less significant then the first, but it seemed to be the reason for her lack of responsiveness. Further examination revealed that her blood sugar was up over 200 again, and that there was a build-up of fluid around her lungs causing decreased respiration and dropping her sat's (saturation of blood oxygen) down to the low 80's, which is dangerous - it seems as if the weakened state her body is in has allowed the chf to become problematic again. Because she was weak and only managing 6 breaths per minute, which is half the minimum needed for a healthy adult, they put her on oxygen and on a respirator. Because of the respirator, which means having a breathing tube inserted down the throat, they had to put her on a sedative - respirator tubes are very uncomfortable and makes most people choke and gag - the sedative is necessary for comfort and to keep people from panicking over the tube.

When we arrived at the ICU, we found her sedated, barely responsive, on a respirator and with a jungle of tubes, wires, iv pumps and equipment all around her. It was traumatic and just floored both of us. The day shift doctor on her case was summoned in by the nurse and pulled us aside to speak with us about everything. He was very kind and informative, and seemed very knowledgable.

He explained that there are two vertebral arteries that feed into a major blood vessel in the back of the brain. He said that one of these two arteries was almost completely clogged with blood clots. The second stroke was caused when one of those clots partially broke up and blocked a small blood vessel.

He said she's been on aspirin since early in her hospitalization, which was good, but it wasn't thinning her blood enough. He explained that patients with recent strokes are not treated with aggressive blood thinning because there is a danger of bleeding in the stroke area, but that in this case, with the major stroke 8 days past, the risk of starting an aggressive thinning with heparin was overweighed by the danger of another clot breaking loose. He did say that if there was bleeding from the heparin, that they would have to take her into emergency surgery to cut a small hole in the back of her skull to relieve the pressure on the brain stem. It there is no bleeding, but the heparin doesn't help reduce the clotting, then they will have to do a cranial cath procedure. They will insert a catheter up the unclogged vertebral artery, then back down into the top of the clogged one. They will then use something that looks like a small platinum coil to close the top of the artery. I asked if there was some sort of bypass or something they would do then, but he said that this procedure is considered a sacrifice - where they're sacrificing that artery for the good of her overall health. I couldn't think through the white noise in my head, but now I need to ask him things like, what are the long term effects on that, and how much danger or stress does that put the remaining vertebral artery in and ... and .... there's just too many details I need to understand here, even though I basically grasp what they're talking about.

If you would like a better explanation of the factors involved, click here.

He was honest with me, every solution presents serious risks, and there is always the ever-present and very real danger of further strokes. Right now, she is what is considered stable for the ICU, but the nurse told me that stable in the ICU can change in minutes. She told us to go get some sleep - that it is strongly probable that there won't be any real changes before tomorrow. She could have another stroke overnight, or could begin experiencing bleeding in the damaged areas of her brain - or nothing could happen. They are all possible. We won't know more until tomorrow, when the labs will tell us how well the thinner is working, and whether or not there is any evidence of bleeding. What hope I do have after hearing that she was unresponsive and with fixed pupils, is that in the ICU, when the sedative was halted to assess responsiveness, she was able to squeeze hands and nod or shake her head slightly to answer questions, so they have assessed her as reasonably responsive and occasionally (sans sedative) aware of her surroundings. There is hope. There is danger and it is scary, her prognosis is shaky and this could get much worse, but ... there is still hope that she could beat this and recover.

So pray, even if you don't pray. Light candles. Do whatever. But pray.

Thanks again to those of you who were there for us today, for you care, your support and your endless kindness. She can't have anything or any personal items in ICU. If you choose to send something, send it to our home address. - Jet

* Current Mood: numb

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BLOG ENTRY ELEVEN
August 9th, 2008
Hurry up and wait.
8/9/08 11.23 pm

Those are the words that one of the nurses used to describe the ICU to me. Everything is done very quickly, and then there is the waiting to see how it will work, if it will help, what needs to be changed, etc etc.
The ICU staff very quickly have gotten her stabilized and comfortable - now all there is to do is to wait and see. We spend as much time as we can in the room, holding her hand, talking to her, letting her know we are there for her - but she only responds part of the time. Sometimes she can squeeze your hand to answer a question. Sometimes she nods her head slightly. The doctors and nurses say that when they decrease the sedative, she can follow commands and answer questions - though squeezing and nodding - so they are pleased with her progress and say she is definitely aware under the sedation. Still, it is tremendously hard to see her like that, and hard to sit and try to talk to her - and when she tries to respond or gets agitated when she can't, it is heartbreaking.
Today they did another chest x-ray to look at the fluid in and around her lungs, but there is no real improvement yet. They have her on lasix to reduce the fluid build-up, but due to the combination of fluids and the emergency intubation, they see a denser mass in the bottom of her lungs that could be a developing pneumonia. Again, all they can say is wait and see.
They have some hopes that they will be able to extubate her in a few days, as they had her breathing on her own with backup assistance from the respirator, but she is still requiring 70% oxygenation to keep her sats above 95%. Every 10-20 minutes, she has a brief episode of apnea, which she has normally, but each one causes a dip in her respiratory rate down to 6 or 5, and they would like to see less dropping of her sats before they dc the respirator.
Really, there is no new news, no real change, nothing that is significantly different from yesterday - but the real good news is that she isn't worse. And in the ICU, that's solid gold. Keep the prayer chains and good wishes and burning candles going, please. Send all the good, healing thoughts you can this way. She needs all the inspiration she can get.
For all the people who asked what they can do for me or Randi or the house ... well, we've really been grateful for the people who show up at the hospital with snacks, or who have dragged us off to eat cause we run and run and rush and have often had to neglect stopping for food for fear of being away from the hospital too long. So, that's been very helpful. Anyone who wants to help spell Geoff in stopping by at night to walk the dog or feed the animal collection, that would be great too. [info]zeyr's been very kind in doing this so far, but I'm sure he could use a hand - we are usually not here in the evening/dinner time to give them their evening meals and evening walk for the dog. However, if she's never met your or doesn't know you well, you might want to stop by WITH Zeyr once before you try it alone - she's normally skittish and is very edgy now with her beloved "mom" missing. The dog is Tia's baby and they are VERY attached to each other, so she is a very sad and confused baby right now who needs a bit of extra special attention. So, those are helpful things - I can't really think of anything else.

* Current Location: home for a few hours
* Current Mood: sad and weary

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