BLOG ENTRY Commentary

29th-Oct-2008 07:17 pm - Thank you, everyone
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for the outpouring of love and support you have sent me over the last 24 hours,
it was simply overwhelming and I am so grateful for all of your kind words.
Randi got here safe and sound this morning and we went to the hospital. We visited for a
bit, trying everything we could think of to get through to her, including playing seriously loud
Disney music and the Star Wars soundtracks, to the amusement of the entire floor.
Much though we tried, we cannot honestly say that we saw any attempt on her part to reach
out to us. Maybe she opened her eyes at our voices, maybe she just happened to open her
eyes, we don't know.
The doctor who has been so kind came in and spent some time with us explaining all the
options, explaining what hospice means and giving us his medical and personal opinions.
The one thing that made us uncertain is that she seemed a little more awake today - not
more aware mind you, but more awake, and with even that small a change we are now more
uncertain as to what is the best option.
We have to face what the doctors are telling us, that even if there is improvement, we could
be talking about her eventually being able to look at us or squeeze a hand, but that its a
million to one shot that she'd come anywhere near even as much as she'd gained in the
rehab. And, during that time which could be more than a year, she would be susceptable to
so many potential complications that is borders on cruel to have her go through all that just
to be able to eventually recognize that her life was so impaired.
And yet, we were not able to make a decision today.
We're going to sit down with the doctors again tomorrow morning around 11 am or so, and
try to listen to everything they have to say. This is very hard for me, not only because I have
already seen with my own eyes two of the doctors proved horribly horribly wrong when they
gave me such grim and certain prognosis regarding her recovery, but it is very hard for me
to consider letting them turn off the respirator and all the machines and sitting and waiting
for the inevitable which could be hours, or days, or weeks. I know some people would counsel
me to make that decision and leave it in God's hands - if it's meant to be, it's meant to be - but
I have to remind that this is what I went through with my other best friend, Rich. The machines
were turned off and I sat and held his hand until he died. I am not so certain that I can face
that kind of pain again, and that is very difficult for me to consider facing with my wife.
So tomorrow we are going to consider the options again.
Many many of you have asked if you should come, can you help, what you can do, and I thank
all of you. Those who want to come to visit Tia or me or Randy or Damien, you are welcome
to come, you are certainly welcome to come see her. Those who want to help, I wish I had
something to tell you - I don't know what kind of help we need. Dunno - people to help again
with pets and schedules and sending food or dragging us out to eat or whatever are certainly
welcome and helpful. I can't really think of anything else, except, when I do move in the spring
if you're still hoping to lend a hand, you would certainly be helpful then :-)

That's about it for now, I really don't have anything more useful to say, I'm tired and worn and
numb and don't think I can think it through quite yet. More news when I have it.

- Jet

* Mood:tired

--------------------------------------------- Back to index -----------------------